None were too out of the ordinary, but they were unexpected. And jarring. With our half-dozen home, we're just settling into a familiar gait. Things are predictable, if a little hurried and messy. A sense of dependability had crept in and oh, I clung to it like a life-preserver. I didn't know how tightly I was clinging. I couldn't see my white knuckles. I didn't feel the strain. But today, today, I did.
I stood at a crossroads of sorts where I knew I had an opportunity to make a choice- a conscious choice to jump enthusiastically down the rabbit hole of discouragement or to climb persistently towards joy. Y'all, jumping down a hole takes little effort. It's one decision and the rest is up to gravity. Climbing? That's a series of choices made over time that will take me somewhere. Climbing is not a passive move. Climbing takes work.
I'm so grateful I don't have to climb alone. In Nehemiah 8:10 (which I just happen to be reading today) the verse ends with "The joy of the Lord is your strength." It is. On this foster care journey of ours, we live in an uncomfortable hollow of emotional conflict- we know full well that these little ones don't belong to us. Reunification is always the goal of foster care. And it's a beautiful goal. It's a worthy goal. A goal that we believe in. One that we're actively a part of.
The story of 'Truck' and 'Trucker', you guys, It's written on my heart and when Truck goes home, we'll celebrate wholeheartedly because 'home' is with his Daddy. Ours is a safe place, one where he can feel loved and have some stability while things get worked out. I can't tell you what it is to look at another parent and have them thank me for loving their kiddo. Words are not enough when it comes to describing the honor it is to come alongside another parent in a situation like this. To get to cheer them on, to be in their corner, to admire their tenacity and humility. We are changed.
Our LG has a different sort of story, one that isn't as clear-cut. A story that lends us no stable ground to stand on. The wave of our soul-deep love for her crashes against the shoreline of the circumstances and we're hanging out in the boat hoping we're paddling in the right direction.
Over the course of her case, the verse that bubbles up has always been Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still," The Israelites were camped out by the sea, they'd just seen what they thought was impossible- Pharaoh letting them hit the road after Moses performed miracle after miracle of the Lord. Then they look back and oh man! Here comes Pharaoh and they start saying how they would've just been better off where they were. Huh? God delivered them. He'd already delivered them, and when that same enemy came after them again, an enemy that had already been defeated, they were like *throws up hands* well that's the end of that, we out. No. Moses says, God's got our backs. The Lord will fight for you, all you've got to do is be still and let him.
For me, this is a reminder to stay in my circle. My circle is what I'd call my area of responsibility or the things that I have been given authority over. I need to just focus on my circle and let other people be in charge of their circle. I don't need to fall into the trap of taking responsibility for things I have NO business taking ownership of. I just need to do my job. And I need to trust that as I do my job and all the other people do their jobs, that the Lord is going to do His job. And He will.
